Back to work

This is hard.   I don't even know where to start. 

I go back to work tomorrow.  I haven't worked full time in about seven years.  I've never worked full time with children.  I've worked.  I've worked 20 hours a week with weight watchers at one point.  I felt like every time my husband got home I was leaving again.  When I got pregnant I decided to quit doing that. 

Anyway, most of the times I've blogged in the last 9 months have been pretty downer.  I imagine myself as a bit of an Eeyore sometimes.  A pessimist.  I feel bad about it.  I think sometimes I like to express the negative because facebook is so filled with happy anniversaries.  I don't mind you expressing your love to your spouse on your anniversary.  But the long drawn out paragraphs about how your spouse is a "keeper" and how perfect they are...belong in an anniversary card to your spouse!  Not all over facebook.

Sorry, side tracked.  Just my opinion of course.

So, tomorrow I go back to work.  I was ticked off in June because I felt like my husband wanted me to apply for my former bosses job (she was retiring).  One day I said screw it, and I submitted an application even though I wasn't very happy about it.

There is much more to the story from there, but the short of the long is, I start tomorrow.  The last 12 days have been a roller coaster for me.  Feeling like a monster for leaving my children.  Wondering how I'm going to handle the addition of another person to our family in 3.5 months. Occasionally thinking to myself, "this is going to be okay.  I can do this."  I've been trying super hard to enjoy the last two weeks.  But some days I look at them and burst into tears.  I'm used to being there.

I know I have options.  And I know I don't *have* to do this.  But right now, I'm giving it a try.

The day after I go to Silverwood.  Tomorrow is going to be a long day. :)