My God sized dream

"She knew that many were the plans in her heart but that Gods purpose would prevail" Proverbs 19:21

I was reading on one of my favorite sites a post about God-sized dreams. 

With resolutions and words of the year looming, I decided to think about my current God sized dream.

Many of you know the last year was something of a roller coaster ride for my family.

"Yes!  We're going home!"
"Come on house please sell, so we can get on our own"
"The house is sold, not even a short sale! lets move into another house, after all we're going to stay with this job forever!"
"I can't believe they really fired you."
"So umm...."

I feel like that sums up 2012, although there was so much more in between. Wonderful friends and family, a little boy that smiled and crawled and laughed his way through his first year.  A little girl that loved her preschool, played outdoors and gave lots of hugs. Leaving behind the best friends.  Moving close to our family.  Still, that job loss haunts every corner of my mind.  Every decision we felt we had already made, me staying home with out children, living in our small town, come into question.  I have to get past those.  What is my dream that I can only achieve by taking small steps? What is my dream that can only happen by giving God what I've got and trusting him to make something more?

*I wish I could give proper credit to this picture,
I saved it several weeks ago from a friends FB
page.  I never knew I'd be using it here!

My friend Brenda and I kick around the idea of starting a jumpy house/party place (her idea really I just jump on it) To me that is terrifying and unknown and worthy to be called a God sized dream.

I've thought about trying to sell some crochet and knitting stuff (cause I can only make my children so many hats).  To me, just getting the confidence is something of a God sized dream.  For some reason trying to sell my hand made stuff from a self taught craft feels like giving away a piece of myself.  And I don't want that piece of myself to face critisism.

What I  want even MORE then those?  What feels huge and impossible? I would like to get rid our  student loan debt.  To live without credit card debt (we're there right now, it's just a matter of staying there).  To be free of extra debt so that I could stay home, even when my husband loses his job and all of a sudden we are facing the prospect of living on half of the income we had just a year ago.  If we're lucky. To support my small children while they are still small, make a welcoming home for my husband, sell my crochet stuff for fun alone, rather then as a possible means to pick up a tiny bit of the slack.  Yes, that is my God sized dream.

I think it's going to take a few years.  I don't even know what it's going to take.  Besides a budget, and hopefully a more permanent job.  Discipline.  Me working for a while?  Possibly.

I don't know how it's going to work, what else we are going to face, or how we are going to work through it.  Every senario feels a little scary to me, a little impossible.  So I need God.  I need Him to direct me and guide me.  I need Him to help me let go of my judgement of myself. I need His help letting go of caring about what others think about my decisions.   I need support in being the best possible wife, parent, friend that I can be, whatever the circumstances are.

2013 is my God sized dream.