"Don't let a bad day trick you into thinking you have a bad life."
I'm horrible at this. Today was a pretty good example. Last night at about 9pm we took my daughter to a friends house so we could take our son (105.5 degree fever) to the ER. It was a short visit all in all, we were home by midnight with a lower fever and not much to do about it. Little monster finally went to bed at 2am in our bed. Mark this because it seems to be the beginning of the last 24hours - "I will not sleep unless you are near me." He slept fitfully but woke up fever free. Our daughter came home in the a.m. was happy for about 10 minutes until she started having a meltdown. About not wanting to watch Tinkerbell. So I took her temperature (slightly up) and then made her go to bed.
Since about the middle of the day, our little guy has been screaming his head off. I walk away from him, he cries. He tries to walk somewhere and falls down, he cries. He doesn't like where he is, he cries. Daddy left, he cries. Daddy came back and is holding me, but Mommy isn't holding me, he cries. But poor guy has a cough and diarrhea/raw bottom so I know everything just feels wrong.
At about 7:30p.m. I left the house. So while I was driving around, I was pretty pessimistic.. Life since we moved into our house has stunk (dumbing down the language for ya)... I hate motherhood... Whose bright idea was it to stay home with kids anyway?... I hate church. I hate working Weight Watchers here. (A few choice thoughts about my husbands new-er place of employment) This move was a horrible idea.
I'm not an optimistic person. there I said it. That is, I am not a naturally optimistic person. I hated everything about this day. I wanted to lock my children in their rooms and walk out the door. Today, I needed the above saying. Because it was horrible. And I know, it's been a long few days and I have a sick little boy. But I've had it with sick (someone in this house has been sick for 8 of 9 weeks) and frankly, I've had it with crying.
I'm trying not to think the absolutist statements above. Because we don't have a bad life. It has been a hard season. And I don't know where this end of it is going to leave us. But that is okay. As long as I don't chuck all hope into a black pit.
"Don't let a bad day/week/season, trick you into thinking you have a bad life."
I am trying.
Oh Maggie...I think we all feel this way at some point in time (several points in time actually). It was rather nice reading your post - I've felt that way before. I think it's good when people post reality rather than just happy times. It's hard when the little ones are sick...very hard. And no one can really prepare you for motherhood. It's wonderful but full of sacrifices and hard times. It's the whole your greatest joys can also be your greatest trials. And then, to make it even more fun, we have to figure it out as we go. I'm sure that you are doing the best you can and that your little ones know that they are loved, even if Mommy is overwhelmed at the moment. "When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on" Tie your knot and hang on! It will pass.
ReplyDeleteMags, this post made me cry. It made me cry because I can COMPLETELY relate to every word you wrote. I've had so many days/weeks/months that have been just like this. In fact, had one of the worst mornings in my life last Thursday with Jackson. Parenthood is the absolute hardest job in the world. I have days where I ask myself, "Why in the world do people decide to have children and do this to ourselves?" Do you know how guilty I felt after having those thoughts? Or the days when I literally want to get into my car and just drive away. Yep, super guilty about those thoughts too.
ReplyDeleteWe're stay at home mommas, which is not for the faint of heart. I believe it takes a special kind of woman to be a SAHM. You are an incredible mom and those kids are very blessed to have you. And even on the hard days, I know you know just how blessed you are to have them. :)
Let's get together for coffee or dinner?